Parents, Grandparents & Kids Humor

Top Ten Signs That You Might Be A Frustrated Mom

1. Your children know how to read HTML code but can't operate a vacuum cleaner.
2. Your children tell you that you said "yes" and you don't even remember the question.
3. You go to the grocery store and find yourself having a good time.
4. Your husband asks how your day went and you rate it on a scale of 1-10 repeats of "stop that!" or "no!".
5. You can't remember the last time you didn't have to share your drink.
6. You mistakenly tell the kids it's "sanity" time when you meant to say "bed" time.
7. The laundry seems to have taken on an evil nature and you begin to feel that it's out to get you.
8. You dread hearing the phone ring because it's a sure sign there's about to be trouble amongst the children.
9. It's finally your turn on the computer and "Touched by an Angel" is just coming on.
10.You go to sleep with "I'm bored" or "I'm hungry" still ringing in your ears.

You Might Be A Mom If . . .

1. Your feet stick to the kitchen floor, and you don't care.
2. When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.
3. You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.
4. You spend an entire week wearing sweats.
5. Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.
6. Popsicles become a food staple.
7. Your favorite television show is a cartoon.
8. Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day.
9. You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of where it is.
10. Your kids make jokes about bodily functions, and you think it's funny.
11. You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls...and HE hangs up on YOU!
12. Spit is your number one cleaning agent.
13. You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.
14. The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making Rice Krispie treats.
15. You're up each night until 10:00 P.M. vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, roller blading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink, or go to the bathroom, and yet...you still managed to gain 10 pounds.

Babies Know What Animals are Saying

Well, let me just say for the record I know a lot of mothers and fathers brag about there babies. I know people say please it is just because it is your first or it is just because it is yours that he/she is so intelligent or beautiful. Well, let me tell you I am not one to brag, but I have a very intelligent baby. She adds a lot of laughter to my fiance's and my life.

When she was just 2 months old, I was washing dishes and making bottles when I heard something coming from the living room. I stepped out of the kitchen and into the archway leading into the living room, where my daughter lay in her playpen. I didn’t know what to make of it at first and then I laughed hysterically. There was our black cat, Sophia, who doesn’t like anybody, even her owners for 14 years. She was lying next to the baby's playpen. She was meowing like I never heard her before. Then there is my daughter lying on her stomach with her arms up and her head straight up looking at the cat. Well, every time the cat would meow at her, she would giggle and coo. Like she was talking to the cat or debating with her. Then as soon as she was done cooing the cat would start meowing again. It was a long conversation and it was hysterical, especially at the end. The cat meowed and the baby cooed. Well, then our very overweight very unsocial dog wobbled over to them and sat next to the cat. Then the dog started groaning and howling. The baby finally got tired of that and she let out a wail that sent the dog waddling faster than ever. The cat remained and as soon as the dog left the room, they started talking again. This went on for about an hour.

Now every time someone in the house has the baby the cat walks over and scents her by rubbing up against her. But every time the baby cries the cat will start to moan and meow really loudly and follow whoever has the baby in their arms. Needless to say I think I know two people, or at least one person and one animal that bonded right away.

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage

by: annom.

My children always watch cartoon movies where two animals fall in love, and the next screen shows the couple suddenly with a bunch of babies following behind.

One day, when I had the movie Bambi on for my kids, I sat down to read a book. I put the book down to grab a glass of water, and there was my 4-year-old daughter looking up at me with a puzzled look on her face. I asked her, "Honey, what's wrong?" She said, "Mommy, I have a boyfriend. How come we haven't had any babies yet?"